Responses to "So, what do you do?"

According to journalist Kathy Foley, there’s a group on Facebook where journalists post the top responses they get in social situations when they announce “I’m a journalist”. So here are the top four responses I get when I say I’m a translator:

Scenario 1: a typical “European” response

– So what language do you speak?
insert my answer
– [Pause] Oh… I know a guy speaks 7/10/17 languages fluently! He’s amazing… launches into the life story of this other amazing person I’ve never met

Scenario 2: a typical English response

– So what language do you speak?
insert my answer
– I took some French/German at school. Didn’t learn a thing, and the teacher had it in for me… launches into a story about how they’re “not able” to learn languages

Scenario 3: a typical Irish response

– So what language do you speak?
insert my answer
– Ah, so you travel all the time for work then?
I do my best to explain that it is possible to have a language job that doesn’t involve call centres or working for the EU

Scenario 4: a typical Australian response

– Ah, yes. My friend’s wife is [German/French/Japanese, etc.]. She does some translation too, you know, in the evenings every now and then – when the kids have gone to bed, of course…
I just smile and nod, about all that is usually expected of me at this point

And then there’s what I’d love to hear people say:

1. So how did you progress from speaking those languages to actually translating professionally?!
2. Any advice for learning languages as an adult?
3. Wow, intelligent AND beautiful! Here’s a cheque for 1 million pounds, just for making my evening.

What are the typical responses you get when you say you’re a translator?